How
to make babies
Shalu,
A second grader came home from school and said her mother, “Mom,
guess what! We learned how to make babies today”
The mother, more than a little surprised, tried to keep her cool.
“That’s interesting,” she said. “How do you make
babies?”
“It’s simple, “ replied the girl. “You just change y to i
and add es.”
Free
hair cut
A
man and a little boy entered a barbershop together. After the man
received the full treatment - shave, shampoo, manicure, haircut,
etc. - he placed the boy in the chair.
"I’m going to buy a green tie to wear for the parade,"
he said. "I’ll be back in a few minutes."
When the boy’s haircut was completed and the man still hadn’t
returned, the barber said, "Looks like your dad’s forgotten
all about you."
"That wasn’t my daddy," said the boy. "He just
walked up, took me by the hand and said, `Come on, son, we’re
gonna get a free haircut!"
Smart
Dolly
A
group of young children were sitting in a circle with their
teacher. The teacher was asking them all questions:
"Sanju, what noise does a cow make?"
"It goes moo."
"Ajay, what noise does a cat make?"
"It goes meow."
"Rahul, what sound does a lamb make?"
"It goes baaa."
"Dolly, what sound does a mouse make?"
"Ummm... It goes click!"
Peeing
n the pool
Little
Johnny at the swimming pool. Little Johnny is approached by the
lifeguard at the public swimming pool.
"You’re not allowed to pee in the pool," said the
lifeguard. "I’m going to report you."
"But everyone pees in the pool," said Johnny.
"Maybe," said the lifeguard, "but not from the
diving board!"
Johnny
in trouble
One
day Johnny was sitting in class and had to go to the bathroom so
he raised his hand to ask the teachers permission. The teacher
told Johnny if he could say the alphabet he could go to the
bathroom. Johnny stumbled through it and got it all wrong and had
to hold it.
So Johnny studied and studied and felt as though he knew the
alphabet perfectly. The next day when Johnny had to use the
bathroom he raised his hand to ask the teacher could he go.
The teacher said if you can say the alphabet I’ll let you go. So
Johnny started to say the alphabet ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOQRSTUVWXYZ.
The teacher then asked Johnny well where’s the P, and Johnny
responded it’s running down my leg.
Strange
habits
A
mother complained to her doctor about her daughters strange eating
habits.
"All day long she lies in bed and eats yeast and car wax.
What will happen to her?"
Eventually" said the Doctor, "she will rise and
shine!"
Make-up
Jill
calls her friend Linda, Linda picks up the phone.
Jill: "Do ya wanna go to the mall with me?"
Linda: "Why?"
Jill: "I need to study cosmetics"
Linda: "Why?"
Jill: "Well, my English teacher says, I have a make-up exam
on Monday
The
waiting
The
restaurant where I took my two kids for a meal was crowded with
fans watching a sporting event on television...
A harried waitress took our order, but more than half an hour
passed with no sign of her return. I was trying to keep my kids
from becoming restless when suddenly shouts of victory came from
the bar.
"Hey!" commented my youngest, "It sounds like
someone just got their food!"
Wagon
R
It
seems a farm boy accidentally overturned his wagonload of corn.
The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise.
"Hey Willis!!" the farmer yelled. "Forget your
troubles. Come in with us. Then I’ll help you get the wagon
up."
"That’s mighty nice of you, " Willis answered,
"but I don’t think Pa would like me to."
"Awe, come on," the farmer insisted.
"Well okay," the boy finally agreed, and added,
"But Pa won’t like it."
After a hearty dinner, Willis thanked his host. "I feel a lot
better now, but I know Pa is going to be real upset."
"Don’t be foolish!" the neighbor said with a smile.
"By the way, where is he?"
"Under the wagon."
Troublesome
kids
A
couple had two little boys, ages 8 and 10, who were excessively
mischievous. They were always getting into trouble and their
parents knew that, if any mischief occurred in their town, their
sons were probably involved. The boys` mother heard that a
clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children, so
she asked if he would speak with her boys. The clergyman agreed,
but asked to see them individually. So the mother sent her
8-year-old first, in the morning, with the older boy to see the
clergyman in the afternoon.
The clergyman, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger
boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?"
They boy’s mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting
there with his mouth hanging open, wide-eyed.
So the clergyman repeated the question in an even sterner tone,
"Where is God?"
Again the boy made no attempt to answer. So the clergyman raised
his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy’s face and
bellowed, "WHERE IS GOD?"
The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and
dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him.
When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked,
"What happened?"
The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, "We are in
BIG trouble this time, dude. God is missing--and they think WE did
it!"
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