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Computer Confusion
If
the developed world ever gets around to really
enforcing the various bits of trade description legislation, then
surely a goodly number of computer manufacturers, or at least their
marketing people, could face hefty fines.
The
reason for this contention is simply the misleading descriptions
that they continue to attach to their products. Consider the
following.
If
you had tripped a computer few decades ago then you most have
noticed it occupying an entire temperature and humidity-controlled
room.
Computers
developed, got cheaper, shrunk in size, and a marketing executive
realized, quite correctly, that more simple and descriptive names
would make life easier for just about everyone. They might sell
more too.
So
they called the new, ever-so-slightly-smaller computers Minis. For
me, Mini conjures up a picture of something ultra small: hardly a
fitting description for a contraption that still looks up the best
part of the room.
Next
came a problem. A genius really did succeed in dramatically
shrinking the size of the computers and the age of the Apples and
the IBM PCs was with us. But PC stands for personal computer. I
associate the word personal with small inmate objects: the comb I
carry in my pocket or the lipstick in a woman’s handbag. But
Personal Computers are still pretty weighty things that take up a
considerably amount of space on desks-and I have yet to see a
woman pop one in her handbag. A few more sober people began to
describe them as Desktop Computers. However, that eminently
sensible description was soon challenged by the arrival of Tower
model PCs which stand on the floor. You have got that-a Desktop
model standing under the desk.
Then
came portables, which combined the computer and the screen, but
still needed to be plugged into mains electricity. Just maybe, the
Portable computer could be called Personal-and they do look very
neat on top of a desk, but they have been there, done that
already.
Battery
models called Laptops followed. The early were so heavy that you
were in danger of crushing your kneecaps if you actually tried to
use one on your lap. But the miniaturization and weight reduction
continued and this sector of computer market has shown explosive
growth in recent years.
Consequently,
we now have Laptop, subsector called Notebook and Sub-Notebook.
The term Notebook describes the area it occupies in a table
(termed a footprint), which is the same as an A4 note pad. A
Sub-Notebook takes up even less space.
To
attempt a summary so we are all quite clear…minis are enormous
and Personal means it monopolies most of your desk-hence Desktop
(except that it may go under your desk). Portable means it will
fit nicely on top of your desk. Laptops cover whole range of from
the still enormous and heavy, to the Sub-Notebooks which can be
rather fiddly because you cannot shrink the size of your fingers
as the PCs.
Having
sorted that out, we lead on to the wonderful world of computer
manuals, designed to make even the most advanced operations seem
like a few simple keystrokes, such is the clarity of the
super-lucid descriptions. I must have been brought up on some very
old books-I find that frequently the wretched manuals confuse
rather then clarify.
Take the
page-numbering system for the starters. With some computer manuals
now rivaling the oxford dictionary in size, you would have thought
that the manual compliers would have learnt a lesson from that
august publication where the letter “A” appeared on page 1 and
“Zygote” (meaning: sporadic problems regarded as caused by
multiplication of factors introduced to) is on page 9753.
But
no, my database manuals, excellent though the programme itself is,
starts in page 1-1 and progresses to 1-75 where by it calls it
quits and starts at 2-1 which it strings out to 2-46 then back to
3-1 and so on. Why? Amongst other problems, it turns using the
index into something like a quadratic equation.
It’s
heartening to see that the latest manuals for the more recent
release, of the more major programmes, are now issuing single-book
manuals which starts at 1 and simply progress to 555 or whatever
the last page really is.
Hopefully
this means that I will not have to spend money over and above the
cost of original software and manuals, in the “introduction
to…” or “how to use…” publications which have become an
industry in themselves.
We
must look to the day when the computer boys treat us to a single
manual and a les fanciful description of each brainchild.
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